Captain Aggravated

The last military power that was stupid enough to put on uniforms and march infantry onto American soil was the Confederate States of America. How’d it go for them?

America’s attitude toward war is “If we’re going to fight, it’s gonna happen in your face, not mine.”

An audience member jokes “And this’ll run on my 486?” That’s how old the Source engine is, that was a joke that landed.

In snow that deep, a cat will likely choose to move by jumping rather than trying to plow through it.

“Damn near” is a euphemism for “didn’t.”

The attitude toward nuclear weapons displayed by countries that haven’t ever nuked anyone are always fun to watch.

I like how the expression is starting to morph into “He drank the Well Actually It Was Flavor-Aid.”

Stardew Valley is basically a love letter to/greatest hits compilation of the Harvest Moon and Story of Seasons franchises. It’s kind of the opposite of a management game. There is a little bit of automation later on, but most productivity gains come in upgrading your tools which can either plow more soil in one whack, cut down a tree faster, water large patches of fields, etc.

I definitely see where you fell off because at first it feels like you don’t have time for everything, the clock runs no matter what, there’s only so many minutes in a day etc. Here’s the thing though: There’s no failure state, and the game repeats forever. Each day is short, but days never stop coming. So plant and water a little patch of crops, then look around the town, talk to people, explore. More gameplay styles open up as you play; it’s possible to focus on exploring the various mines or fishing or whatnot rather than farming.

Definitely do give it up for Eric “ConcernedApe” Barone. It’s amazing what the man built single-handedly.

I built a gaming PC during the Trump administration, I had to order the CPU from an ebay seller in Korea because there were none in North America and the GPU i took out of my father’s old Dell because there were none to be had at all retail.

I built a PC earlier this year and the case I wanted was out of stock everywhere but everything else was really in stock.

The one I remember being really weird was the PS3.

Do you pronounce the dry heave in the title?

There will be a single digit number of games for it and all of them will require subscriptions to play and half of them will be canceled +/- 2 months from launch and then impossible to play because the servers are shut down.

How many PS5 Pros will be sold at retail, taken out of the package, hooked up to a TV, and never play a game that you could play on a normal PS5 or even a PS4?

There’s an entire genre of tiktok videos out there of women saying things like “So this guy I like asked me out, and I said no, and he was like okay bye and just walked away. What is with men not pursuing women anymore?”

Hmm what was that hashtag popular a few years ago? #nomeanskeepgoing?

“No means no” they said. Meanwhile in this very thread: “I’m actually in love with the guy that stalked me.”

If you want no to mean no, you have to say different things when you mean something other than no. If you want to play hard to get, A) don’t, you suck at it and B) maybe let him know that’s the game you’re playing so he’ll actually try hard to get you instead of just taking a flat rejection at face value; ie don’t just say “no” say “You’ll have to try harder than that” or something that indicates you are open to further attention. What saying “no” when you actually mean “try harder” accomplishes is you filter out the guys who take no for an answer leaving your dating pool only filled with the men who don’t really care that much about consent.

As for the “I turned him down becuase I wasn’t interested in him, then we actually talked and turned out I actually like the guy” story…I guess maybe try actually talking to guys? Even if you don’t cream your gusset at first sight?

I love scenes where a character hotwires a car by:

• reaching under the steering wheel and pulling a panel off. It isn’t held on by fasteners or anything, it’s just like wedged in place.

• A bunch of loosely coiled wires tumbles out. In front are two thicker wires that are cut, stripped and tinned.

• The character strikes these two wires against each other like attempting to strike a match, mostly to make sparks.

• The sound of a car engine turning over plays.

• Climb in, shut the door, put it in gear and drive off.

Star Wars had basically no concept of fuel until like, one of the recent movies I didn’t watch. Obi-Wan calls a TIE fighter “a short range fighter” in A New Hope. Luke flies an X-Wing all over creation; several are shown jumping to hyperdrive alongside other larger ships in Jedi, it’s established that X-Wings are FTL capable.

Go work at Coffee Stain or their ilk. They’re a games studio employing multiple developers working on a few games at a time, and they’re not baby punching evil.

Anyone who says that while wearing pants is a filthy liar.

I remember the time he Excel’d himself.

I suppose they do suffer from the “Known in the state of Cancer to cause California” problem. A bubble level app wants in-app purchases and GPS access.

You know what? Developers that work at studios that are baby punching evil don’t need to eat. I’m not feeding any of them.

I wonder if you phrased it the way the Play store does: This game wants permission to:

• send SMS messages
• make calls
• know your location
• stalk your family
• raid your fridge
• access, read and upload files
• manage and add contacts
• cup your balls
• go through your trash
• irritate your boss

etc.

Think anyone would install them?