Anyone here see The Substance? “That bitch is stealing time from me!!!”

This is why I started making a lot of my own things. There are lots of options in the store for some items where you can get something without sugar that didn’t need it. But then there’s things like mayonnaise… Let me tell you that mayonnaise doesn’t need any sugar and most brands that don’t have sugar are like $11 for an 8oz jar. So I started making it myself at home. I also started making bread which later turned into a hobby, but now I can’t eat the store bread because it’s too sweet. I even make my own jam now and I know what you’re gonna say “but jam is like… mostly sugar”, but I’ll have you know that jam tastes WAY better with half the sugar that it’s typically made with. It’s an art form to get it thick without adding more sugar, but it’s worth it. Looking back, I know most people can’t make all this shit and it’s really sad that people can’t buy things with less sugar at the store without paying an arm and a leg. It really says a lot about our society that this is true.

It’s more for programming when to brew coffee in the morning than for telling time. Then you can wake up and get coffee without having to think about it. Not that it’s hard, but I’m sure removing that one little task makes many people’s mornings a lot easier.

That sneaky fuck

I was tricked into working for him a second time by my former manager. See, my former manager was excellent but he left before crazy boss man was revealed to be as crazy as he was. So when former manager asked if I wanted to join him at his new job I didn’t skip a beat. I literally found out on my first day when he welcomed me to the team and said “it’s like we’re getting the band back together!”. But I’m glad I stayed because my company fired him literally the day before they announced wfh cuz COVID. And then everything was great… Minus the COVID stuff of course.

I had a boss who was like this once. Every time someone would hire him as the VP of marketing for their company, he would immediately say they need to rebrand. But would he hire someone or some company to do the necessary research and create a brand based on market needs? No! Every single time he would go to some website where you post a design contest and have people submit entries for the new logo. No other thought went into it. Then the company would be stuck with a new but poorly thought out brand that would require loads of bandaid fixes for years to come. I only worked for him twice, but it was twice too many and this always made my blood boil.

The lesson here is, pay professionals appropriately who know what they’re doing.

Wife bad

Hold your hats people, the Grammer Nazis are coming for this one. Holy hell.

Something something in nineteen-ninety eight…

I’ve heard about scientists making breakthroughs for filtering plastic out of water in a way we can apply to our water management systems. This type of thing takes a long time to develop and even longer to implement without the help from government policies and funding. So uh… Things are happening… Very slowly.

And then there’s you did everything you possibly could yourself and you did your best and saved tons of money, but now you actually do need to pay someone to do the thing you don’t trust yourself to do so you saved money just for the thing, but no contractor will agree to come do the thing because demand is high and they would rather do commercial projects. So yeah… You can’t even pay a pro and you’re just fucked 🤷

I declare BANKRUPTCY!!!

Sounds good

That’s a whole green olive… But still.

And that’s why, as a Midwesterner, I proudly put black olives on my tacos. And it’s tastes pretty damn great!

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying these memes. They remind me a lot of when shittymorph would get you with the undertaker bit. Except now I’ll be looking at cool science charts that are genuinely interesting only to find someone snuck in a sneaky Saddam.

This is an excellent meme format. You can replace the text with all kinds of stupid shit like “I know you drank orange juice with your chocolate cake”.

I went to Meijer a week ago and saw they had a pallet of candy corn. I was like wow this early? And I bought a bag thinking it must be left over from last year or something, but no it was just the opposite. It was the freshest bag of candy corn I’ve ever eaten and it was very delicious. But it also made me realize that the reason I’m never getting fresh candy corn for Halloween is because they literally make it and ship it in late July/early August and then just let it sit there for 3 months until Halloween. But at least now I know when the best time is to buy candy corn… So there’s that.

Hey everyone! Come fuck my shit up while I’m away! K thanx.